UNHEALTHY FAMILY RULES

1. BE BLIND

relinguish your own perceptions of reality, don't "see" mixed messages or role reversals

2. BE QUIET

don't talk about what really happens in the family (in public or at home)

3. BE NUMB

disown and deaden family disapproved emotions and don't notice personal boundary violations

4. BE CAREFUL

don't trust others to really to be who they appear to be, to keep their promises or to treat you respectfully

5. BE GOOD

don't be a real, human child; be a "short, permanent-pressed adult" ("good" is a code word for perfect or non-human)

QUALITIES OF "GOOD" CHILDREN:

1. Never inconvenience parents

2. Never have personal needs of their own

3. Never lose at anything (unless competing with a parent) or get less than an A in school

4. Know how to do everything perfectly without being taught

5. Never have a critical or a separate thought

6. Never remember anything but happy times