BASIC SKILLS FOR PROCESS GROUPS

1. LISTENING:

Proverbs 1:23 " If you had listened to my rebuke, I would have poured out my heart to you, and made my thoughts known to you"

Hosea 14:9a " Who is wise? He will realize these things. Who is discerning? He will understand them..."

Proverbs 12:15 " The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice"

* Listen to the heart of what is being said. Don't interrupt.

*Don't judge one another as you listen

* A good counselor withholds judgments

* Listening means attending to another ie. Eye contact, nodding, etc

2. HELP THE OTHER PERSON FOCUS BY ASKING GOOD QUESTIONS:

Open ended questions will bring clarity to a person. Don't use yes or no answer questions. Don't ask "why" questions, Time your questions, Ask in love,

3. SHOW SUPPORT BY ENTERING INTO THE PERSON'S WORLD ...USE "EMPATHY"

Bring in something from your experience but do not tell your story to take away the focus. Put yourself into someone elses shoes. Giving empathy, tells the person they are being understood. The goal of empathy is to understand the emotional context of what the person is struggling with.

4. ALWAYS LOOK AT THE PROBLEM IN A LARGER CONTEXT. "IT'S ALL IN THE FAMILY."

Problems do not exist in isolation, they are always relational. Try to understand the context of the problems. The root of the problem is usually in the past.

5. HELP PEOPLE LOOK FOR THE LOSSES IN THEIR LIFE

Emotional problems or other problems are generally related to losses that were not dealt with. Need to grieve the losses. Myth: "Boys don't cry" Two kinds of losses:

Objective losses- things, persons, pets

Subjective losses- dreams, aspirations, dignity, innocence,

Jeremiah 9:20 older generation teaches the young how to grieve. Men often know how to do the anger part of grieving & women the sadness part.

Notes from David Stoop 7/00